Discourse

Let me lend you my heart for a moment.

Cup it in your hands and feel the warmth it is providing

as the blood pulsates quickly throughout, frantically like a

busy city street teeming with irrevocable force.

Hold it close to your own.

Let them touch through the thin fabric of your shirt.

Remember that even in moments where things seem

in the full swing of discourse,

We all share this.

 

 

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Touch of Rain

Sometimes life forces us to fly head first into situations we had never hoped to find ourselves in and leaves us feeling pretty barren, worried, or just plain weird. Recently, a lot of craziness has been happening in my world which has included loss of a loved one, having to move abruptly, and a job situation that I can no longer be giving my time to.

Although it has been a bit stressful and worrisome, I have learned to really calm down over things that I can’t really control and embrace the things that have helped me to get to this point. A lot of people I have talked to recently have had some major curve balls thrown at them in the start of this exciting new year, and if you are feeling that way, I wanted to share that things will only go up from here! Here are some tips of things that have helped me to feel a bit better.

  1. Reading a new book.
  2. Writing in my journal.
  3. Always doing my best with the given circumstances and knowing everything is going to work out. (And truly believing that!)
  4. Letting go of the things I cannot control but taking action for what I know I deserve.
  5. Being with friends and family and getting out of my head.
  6. Also allowing myself to enjoy solitude in times of panic to get to know myself in that way and what helps to calm me down.
  7. Taking one thing at a time. When you feel like everything is going wrong, it’s easy to start rattling off the things that aren’t too great at the moment. Instead, focus on the biggest thing that you do have control over and be kind to yourself in the process.
  8. BE IN NATURE. Go for a walk. Get away for a weekend. Plan a trip. Anything.
  9. Be active. Even when you don’t want to, simply doing even ten minutes of something active can help to get those endorphin’s running which will help to motivate you.
  10. Be mindful of what you are putting into your body. If you notice you are eating unhealthy snacks or fast food often, cut that out. Everything is okay in moderation, but knowing that these types of foods can have a negative effect on your overall energy is very important.

You deserve the best, and you deserve to be the best version of yourself possible! Despite your current circumstances, you are still you and you have a lot more control over things than you think you do in the realm of your thoughts. Set some goals. Give yourself time to mourn or worry, but remember that this is the one life (as far as we know) that we are given. So why not make the best of even the worst situations and trust that everything will work itself out? Because it always does. 🙂

In Hiding

Somehow you have caught up to me

yet again.

I had shrouded myself in everlasting sunshine

thinking that perhaps you would be warded off,

but we all know that you lurk in the shaded areas,

under tall oaks and twisted brambles,

waiting for a cloud to pass through the rays

to make your entrance.

 

You are not welcome here, but I accept your presence

as I know you come bearing seeds

which will sprout into magnificent creations

that will burst with light

once the sun peers out from behind the clouds.

And it always does.

No One Else

If only for a slight glimmer of a moment,

I was encompassed by a thought;

A horrible, swarming, faceless devil of a thought

that screamed empty truths and scorched my soft skin.

I thought that

what you think of me

Is the truth.

That I have something to prove.

That my every move is being watched

And if I leap to the wrong stone,

I will Drown before all who once knew and believed in me.

 

But my memory saves me

and sends a whispering throughout every inch of my skin.

It gently reminds me that I have

Drowned before.

My heart has pounded and my lungs have almost given out,

But I have gone against the current,

I have smiled through it,

I have cried through it,

And escaped from it without a trace of doubt or pain.

 

So, if you ever feel lost at sea or as though others control

The Tempest of your life,

Stand tall and be humbled by the power that you yourself possess.

Sometimes others may create howling, icy winds

Or what may seem like inescapable whirlpools,

But you are a master explorer.

Only you have the map to your journey,

No On Else.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Threshold

Beyond the threshold there is a gathering of lights.

pulsating vigorously and without care.

They are kind and filled with promise,

as they gently caress the air.

To capture even a glimpse in a lifetime is enough to

shake you from the soles of your shoes to the crown of your head,

for those lights will always guide you

you will never be misled.

The depths of a cave nor the shadows of the night

could ever possibly be enough

to shut out the comforting trappings of the lights.

 

 

 

 

Your Getaway

Upon my arrival, I felt a calmness rush over me

and yet,

I found my heart in a state of nonstop flutter,

bouncing about the walls of my chest,

breaking through my endless longing,

hoping you would see that and forget all the rest.

I silenced the rapid movement with a quick warm touch

and pulled myself together in an instant.

I was happy for you, for what I found there.

It seems genuine and light,

and right.

I saw all that I needed to see,

to know you don’t belong with me.

 

 

 

 

Endless Interjection

My admiration for you is intenible.

My fondness is unmatched.

It has been this way for a long time,

My dearest friend and partner in crime,

Pure family.

 

Yet, as of late,

You are gone.

Swept up in the passions of “love”.

And while I am happy for you,

I never believed our friendship could

suffer

from the interjection

of another.

 

Our bond could never be broken,

This I know,

Nor could it be ever changed,

But I just hope you know

I miss you.

 

Turbulence

The threat is there;

It looms ominously

Just waiting for you to let up.

But you won’t.

You are not easily shaken.

You do not allow your dreams to diminish

On a whim.

The pressure, the anxiety, the doubt

Is all overshadowed by

The diligence, the joy, and the sureness.

No turbulence can steal that,

So continue to trek forward

without looking back.

Ramblings of a (newly struggling) actor

It’s amazing what one day surrounded by nature can do for you. Whether it’s a forest or a sunshiny meadow or the beach…anything. ANYthing but New York City can make you feel at ease.

Don’t get me wrong, I love New York. Truly, madly, deeply. But this place can really make you question your sanity. I sincerely am grateful to live here for so many reasons, but also appreciate getting away whenever I can.

I have been trying not to get caught up in the fact that I am not currently on stage and performing in a show. I am, however, directing which is very exciting and rewarding, so to still be apart of the theater in some way is very satisfying. But I can’t shake this feeling of worry, this feeling of being held to the highest of standards. Most of the time I can keep it pretty hushed these days, but some days my mind runs wild and I panic over the fact that I am not “where I am supposed to be”, whatever that means.

I recently talked to some friends in the acting world who say that I inspire them and make them want to do their best, and while I really am very touched and excited by that, I always feel like I am somehow letting them down if I am not in the middle of working on a role. I have to rid myself of that idea. I got too used to things coming easily, to booking things quickly and being on the move. I got too comfortable in “success” that when I hit this little lull in my acting career, I started to freak the F out. I think that is only natural, as an artist and as a person, to be honest. But it eats me alive when I allow it too. Even if I have gone on a bunch of auditions, even if I tell myself I am doing super well, even if I inspire people around me and am always on the move, it eats me alive if I am not booking, even if it doesn’t remotely show.

Today I went to Cupsogue Beach in The Hamptons. One day away with my sister and brother-in-law getting tossed around in the waves and soaking up some rays was really cleansing. I took some time to just reflect (corny sounding but true) and I realized that what we feel is failure is an opportunity for growth and for experience. How you react to your perceived failure is what will make or break you. The other day I spoke to my friend who is also an actor and she said something that was pretty simple but also profound to me since I have been dealing with these sudden bursts of panic; she said that if you aren’t enjoying the journey, what is the point? Why do we do what we do? If everything came easily, would there be any growth for you as an actor or as a person?

As I lay in the sun earlier today, allowing the beams to heat my smiling face, I felt this so deeply within me. I know that this time in my life, this “lull”, is for experience. It’s for growth. It’s to propel me to the next level so that I can be learning constantly and defying the possibilities of what I thought I was capable of doing. I have time. TIME! I have time where I can travel, where I can learn new things and see new theater, where I can direct and spend time with friends and family. I’m young! How awesome is that?

This was a rant, yes. And maybe you aren’t a struggling artist, but every human struggles with something whether their lives seem perfect or not. They aren’t. And that’s what makes people interesting. Their journey, their triumphs, their low points, their passions and how they pursue them. You are always growing and learning and once you accept “failure” into your life, you can laugh it off and move forward towards your goals without getting too stuck on things.

 

Wonder

Sometimes you feel the rumblings of war,

or perhaps a symphony, the fullness of its score.

Other times, all falls silent

where you calm all vibration from turning

ultra-violent.

 

I wonder how your heart beats,

how it dances or smiles,

how it would create tidal waves

in my own heart for a while.