Touch of Rain

Sometimes life forces us to fly head first into situations we had never hoped to find ourselves in and leaves us feeling pretty barren, worried, or just plain weird. Recently, a lot of craziness has been happening in my world which has included loss of a loved one, having to move abruptly, and a job situation that I can no longer be giving my time to.

Although it has been a bit stressful and worrisome, I have learned to really calm down over things that I can’t really control and embrace the things that have helped me to get to this point. A lot of people I have talked to recently have had some major curve balls thrown at them in the start of this exciting new year, and if you are feeling that way, I wanted to share that things will only go up from here! Here are some tips of things that have helped me to feel a bit better.

  1. Reading a new book.
  2. Writing in my journal.
  3. Always doing my best with the given circumstances and knowing everything is going to work out. (And truly believing that!)
  4. Letting go of the things I cannot control but taking action for what I know I deserve.
  5. Being with friends and family and getting out of my head.
  6. Also allowing myself to enjoy solitude in times of panic to get to know myself in that way and what helps to calm me down.
  7. Taking one thing at a time. When you feel like everything is going wrong, it’s easy to start rattling off the things that aren’t too great at the moment. Instead, focus on the biggest thing that you do have control over and be kind to yourself in the process.
  8. BE IN NATURE. Go for a walk. Get away for a weekend. Plan a trip. Anything.
  9. Be active. Even when you don’t want to, simply doing even ten minutes of something active can help to get those endorphin’s running which will help to motivate you.
  10. Be mindful of what you are putting into your body. If you notice you are eating unhealthy snacks or fast food often, cut that out. Everything is okay in moderation, but knowing that these types of foods can have a negative effect on your overall energy is very important.

You deserve the best, and you deserve to be the best version of yourself possible! Despite your current circumstances, you are still you and you have a lot more control over things than you think you do in the realm of your thoughts. Set some goals. Give yourself time to mourn or worry, but remember that this is the one life (as far as we know) that we are given. So why not make the best of even the worst situations and trust that everything will work itself out? Because it always does. 🙂


In Hiding

Somehow you have caught up to me

yet again.

I had shrouded myself in everlasting sunshine

thinking that perhaps you would be warded off,

but we all know that you lurk in the shaded areas,

under tall oaks and twisted brambles,

waiting for a cloud to pass through the rays

to make your entrance.


You are not welcome here, but I accept your presence

as I know you come bearing seeds

which will sprout into magnificent creations

that will burst with light

once the sun peers out from behind the clouds.

And it always does.


You gripped the brush

with an unsteady hand,

without much care,

and dipped it into each color of my rainbow.

Lazily, you brandished this brush like a sharp shard of glass

across my canvas

and bloodied it with the once vibrant colors,

saturating the material with brown splotches

of would-be happiness

until it dripped

and drowned.


Even when the lungs of the thing

were filled to the brim with water and paint,

it would not suffocate.


The black, muddy mixture

seeped out of my canvas

and took you along,

making it impossible for you to


have access to my colors again

or to ever dream of looking upon my art.

For you can no longer project onto me

what you hoped I would be,

what you wished I would be,

for I am art once more

and that is something you will never see.




No One Else

If only for a slight glimmer of a moment,

I was encompassed by a thought;

A horrible, swarming, faceless devil of a thought

that screamed empty truths and scorched my soft skin.

I thought that

what you think of me

Is the truth.

That I have something to prove.

That my every move is being watched

And if I leap to the wrong stone,

I will Drown before all who once knew and believed in me.


But my memory saves me

and sends a whispering throughout every inch of my skin.

It gently reminds me that I have

Drowned before.

My heart has pounded and my lungs have almost given out,

But I have gone against the current,

I have smiled through it,

I have cried through it,

And escaped from it without a trace of doubt or pain.


So, if you ever feel lost at sea or as though others control

The Tempest of your life,

Stand tall and be humbled by the power that you yourself possess.

Sometimes others may create howling, icy winds

Or what may seem like inescapable whirlpools,

But you are a master explorer.

Only you have the map to your journey,

No On Else.







The Threshold

Beyond the threshold there is a gathering of lights.

pulsating vigorously and without care.

They are kind and filled with promise,

as they gently caress the air.

To capture even a glimpse in a lifetime is enough to

shake you from the soles of your shoes to the crown of your head,

for those lights will always guide you

you will never be misled.

The depths of a cave nor the shadows of the night

could ever possibly be enough

to shut out the comforting trappings of the lights.





Your Getaway

Upon my arrival, I felt a calmness rush over me

and yet,

I found my heart in a state of nonstop flutter,

bouncing about the walls of my chest,

breaking through my endless longing,

hoping you would see that and forget all the rest.

I silenced the rapid movement with a quick warm touch

and pulled myself together in an instant.

I was happy for you, for what I found there.

It seems genuine and light,

and right.

I saw all that I needed to see,

to know you don’t belong with me.





True Fear

This past week I went away to an island off of Canada in the middle of Charleston Lake and it was like a quiet, wooded wonderland. There were no other houses or people on the island besides my friends family, and it was so eerily silent that it was almost alarming, besides the constant humming of “Despacito”. It was a nice change of pace from the city, to say the very least.

On our trip we did a lot of swimming, canoeing (and getting lost), hiking, water skiing, tubing, camping, you name it. It was my summer dream come true. I probably could do with a whole summer away in nature. Something about it just fills me with unlimited joy and excitement, especially given the fact that I was feeling very weird about not being in the middle of a production. That immediately left my brain and I just enjoyed my time without feeling any sort of pressure, anxiety, or nervousness.

The only time I felt pure terror was not when we were camping and there was clearly an animal next to our tent, not when we saw fresh bear claw prints and mountain lion tracks on our trail letting us know that they had to be close by, not when we went on the canoe in pitch black darkness, not body slamming into the water after being tossed into the air off of the tube. None of that. It was when I got ready to jump off of the 4th and biggest cliff that I had encountered on the trip.

The days before, I had been jumping off of cliffs that were anywhere between 15 ft and 25 ft without any qualms. I wouldn’t even think about it. I just ran and flew through the air, knowing that I would safely hit the water and swim back so that I could do it all again. On this particular day, we decided to go around sunset to a 40 ft cliff. It looked small from the boat and I wasn’t remotely shaken, thinking that it would be a piece of cake.

I jumped off of the boat into the clear, fresh water and swam over to the rocks and got ready to climb. The climb seemed like it was really taking a while, but I didn’t think anything of it; I was ready. I got to the top of the cliff and immediately fear struck my heart. It wasn’t like the others where I ran and had a great time and jumped. We were above all of the trees, looking out into the distance at numerous islands. Some people were on boats enjoying a mellow evening ride. It was beautiful. I looked down at the water and felt my palms begin to clam up. That never happens. My heart raced with pure insanity, and it was my first time being afraid of heights or anything thrilling. I am an adrenaline freak, or so I thought. I looked down at the calm water waiting beneath me. My friends dad was yelling from the boat, but I was zoning out. I was terrified.

I thought about other times that I had felt extremely nervous and the silliest things came to mind like walking into an audition or having to deal with confrontation. It was the same feeling I felt as I teetered on the edge, scared of what could happen. It really put things into perspective for me and I realized how much confidence it takes to do things in life that might sometimes seem terrifying, but when put in an actual scary situation, it sure makes it seem easier. I waited for so long before jumping, psyching myself out. I noticed that that was another thing that people seem to do when they are scared: they wait. I took a deep breath. I saw 3 other people do the jump. Why was I so scared? I needed to do it to prove to myself that I could overcome my fear and live to tell the tale. Not only that but in my eyes, if I could do this, I could do anything.

I finally took the chance and leaped over the edge of the cliff, plummeting from 40 feet in the air into the water. My ass hit the water so hard that I have bruises to show for it, but it was the greatest decision I ever made. I had so much fun once I stopped thinking about it and relaxed. Anything great that happens in life does not happen from a tense place. talented singers, dancers, actors, athletes, doctors, etc. all have to work from a place of relaxation, otherwise they would be all over the place and would mess up without a doubt because they were psyching themselves out.

I have a bit of a new lease on life now after facing that fear. I have let so many things scare me, and for what? It does no good to worry and hide away and tense up. You are only hurting yourself by doing that and not allowing yourself to open up and be brave. It’s hard. And it’s a process. It’s something I have been learning over the years, it didn’t just happen because I jumped off of a cliff. But I will say, that it is a worthy process and at first it may seem scary, but you will love yourself and the choices that you make more because you will live without the regret of what could have been.


Sometimes you feel the rumblings of war,

or perhaps a symphony, the fullness of its score.

Other times, all falls silent

where you calm all vibration from turning



I wonder how your heart beats,

how it dances or smiles,

how it would create tidal waves

in my own heart for a while.








A field stands before me, before us all

where the tree’s loom ominously

growing by the second, wild and tall.


Everyone avoids the shade,




I tiptoe around the edges, delicate and quiet

nervous that, should shade find even the smallest patch of my skin,

I would have to start over

and wouldn’t know where to begin.


One lazy day, I took a nap near the brook

and when I awoke, it felt as though the earth shook.

I was shrouded in shadows, paralyzed with fear

I was certain that imminent failure was near.


Yet I trekked on, unafraid of the dark

and I learned how to roam freely,

singing my song

that could rival a lark’s.

For the shade was only temporary,

a teacher and friend,

and I am always embraced by sunshine

in the end.