Curiosity pricks my sides and demands to be noticed
as if the sands of time are displayed nearby, heckling me with every grain.
Instead of vibrating in a state of paralysis due to fear of one of these jabs,
I let them sink in.
Long gone are the days of potent feeling laced with doubt.
These passion-infused thorns are the seeds of change; the seeds of growth.
To fear them would be foolish.
I don’t always tend to have an answer when they appear, which is often,
But I always show them respect.
Being in your early 20’s is really weird. Basically, you find yourself in strange situations that you never had to deal with before such as going to the post office or calling to get out of jury duty or buying milk. Weird. But what is really strange about your 20’s is the way things change.
Since I was about eleven years old (?) I have been the same exact person…I think. Of course, there has been a lot that has happened since then that has helped me to become the woman I am today. I have had great, insane, extremely fortunate adventures and don’t plan on having those end any time soon. I always think about this idea of a world that requires every single human being to write a book about their lives before they die. Like a true, real requirement before death and if they don’t complete it, there is some sort of major consequence like a version of hell or listening to country music on a loop until the end of time. Of course, many people compare life to a book and how there are different chapters. But what if for some reason at the end of each year we were all required to tell the truth in detail about each and every day of the year that was coming to an end only to compile them all into a selection of books ranging from birth to death? Obviously, anything before age 9 might be difficult to have captured by you yourself, but maybe the parent would be required to write theirs and yours? Who knows.
Okay. I got off topic. ANYWAY. I have been greatly influenced by the things that have happened to me, but I don’t rightly know if I have drastically changed as a person before. Sometimes you see people and they have had a major change in attitude, appearance, career, mentality, etc. I still think Spongebob (only the old episodes not this new fangled garbage they are trying to pass off) is an incredible source of comedy. I still have the same two best friends. I still do acting and singing and have never doubted that that will be what I do with my life. It’s interesting. But when you are in your 20’s, suddenly things around you begin to change and you question yourself and you are just going along with it because, well, that is how life works. You have to pay rent, bills, schedule appointments and meetings, buy groceries, go to work all while maintaining sanity, a good relationship with friends and family, and most of the time dating. These times are sometimes manageable, but most of the times at least one or more of these things are in complete chaos. I find myself worrying about moneyandthenextgigandmyrelationshipandfamilyandfriends pretty often. I also find that I am so aware of the changes that the people closest to me are going through and how it really can effect those around them and even themselves. You notice that your friend group starts to shrink and that the people who really care and matter most will always find a way to make time for you and be there for you, even if you haven’t talked for months.
I am very lucky to have my close friends in my life. I’m not sure what I would do without them. I have seen them all endure changes. Some bad, some amazing, some life changing. But they have always remained in my life. I guess what this whole post is about is just…have patience with the changes. Sometimes things will seem like the end of the world and you will have to start all over from scratch. That’s okay. Sometimes you will feel like you have no one in this world. You do. More than you know. Sometimes things will feel like they will last forever when it seems things aren’t going your way. And sometimes you think you have all of your ducks in a row with no cares and something or someone comes out of nowhere and throws you off completely. It’s all okay. That’s part of life and is placed before you to challenge you and help you to grow, not to drastically change every single part of who you are. People are so resistant to change. They are worried that if they leave their job, their lover who things aren’t going well with, change their look, meet new people, travel to new places, that it will all change them as a person or change their lives drastically. The truth is, you won’t really change that much, you will just have more experience and will be growing and learning. Don’t be afraid. Most of the time, we know what is best for us and what will make us happiest. And sometimes, that means a little bit of change is in order.
Bloom. 