Sick Day :(

SO. I have been fairly sick for the past 5 days or so. I have just kind of accepted the fact that since I work with kids when I am not performing, there is a good chance I will be exposed to some…sickly situations. Kids are like little teeny carriers for viruses so that plus living in NYC and getting on and off of the subway, dealing with the insane weather patterns, and overall just making sure to remember to eat healthy, drink water, etc. can sometimes catch up with ya and hit ya hard. Like a solid punch.

That being said, I wanted to list some things that have helped me to feel better quickly when I am feeling gross and groggy! (Particularly when it comes to colds and sore throats)

  1. REST.  It’s hard for me to relax at times, especially when it is forced upon me. I like to be active. I am not someone who ever binge watches netflix or enjoys laying in bed. There’s nothin, wrong with that, but it is just not what makes me thrive! So I do my best to keep that stuff as a bit of a reward at the end of a long day once in a while. However, when I am sick, despite how much I think and believe I will be fine, I know I won’t be. Rest is key. Even if it’s just laying down while you do some work on the computer, watching a show, reading, texting friends, etc. Frequent napping is also top notch. But the point here is, listen to your body. Only you know how much you can take. Don’t dismiss if you are feeling horrible because it will only get worse if you don’t just take that one day to rejuvenate. Trust me. I learned the hard way by partying all weekend while I was sick and it made it about ten times worse.
  2. MY TOP DRINK,  I am always drinking water. Therefore, I almost always am peeing. So this only gets worse when I am sick. HOWEVER, another number one favorite drink to have when I am not feeling well is hot water, lemon, cayenne pepper, and ginger (honey is optional). This little easy drink packs a big punch and has proven to help me more than regular tea has. I love spice, so I know for some this is not ideal. But damn it will get the job done! And even when you aren’t sick, it’s a great way to start the day! Two tablespoons of apple cider vinegar in a cup of water is also great, as it helps to kill bacteria and helps to relieve inflammation. ALSO, if I am really not feeling too great, I love to go to this awesome ramen shop by 125th street. The ramen bowls are massive and jam packed with spices and nutrients. Always helps to fight off a little cold while also enjoying a mind nummingly delicious meal.
  3. TOP THROAT LOZENGES.  Ricola. I love Ricola. Just the original flavored honey lozenges do wonders to soothe my throat. Also, Olba’s Pastilles are awesome. It’s like icy cold vapor rub, but edible. These are great to really power through a terrible cold because it helps to open everything up a bit, especially the nasal passages.
  4. SELF CARE. This might seem obvious, but sometimes this falls to the wayside a bit. Take a nice long warm shower or bath, light some candles, eat healthy, check in with yourself. I personally love solitude just as much, if not more sometimes, than being social! Enjoy this time with yourself and figure out what you need while you rest. Also maybe even make some plans for the future while you have the time!
  5. FIGHT OFF FUTURE ILLNESS. Sometimes, you can’t help it. You are just going to get sick and nothing can change that. But other times you definitely have control over it to some degree. Maybe the seasons are out of wack and you are not prepared when you are out and about. Take this into consideration and maybe pack an extra sweater or t-shirt to have handy for some major switch-ups. Maybe you know for a fact that you have not been eating very well or maybe not enough. Take that into account because what you eat is what fuels you and helps your immune system to fight shit off. Wash your hands, drink your water, exercise (even if its just for 5 minutes a day at home), and stay healthy ya’ll. 🙂

This Time

I sat with my knees pulled close to my chest

And fluttered my eyes shut tightly,

To shield myself from the everlasting unrest

and forced myself to hum lightly.

 

I am now aware of what we shared,

That I was not real to you.

You really only put on airs,

To hide your endless blue.

 

Not pretty blue, not turquoise,

Or something of the like.

But something more of your choice,

That would continuously strike.

 

I tried to be fair to you,

Was always sure to be kind.

I see exactly what you are trying to do,

But I won’t fall for it.

Not this time.

 

 

Roaming

A field stands before me, before us all

where the tree’s loom ominously

growing by the second, wild and tall.

 

Everyone avoids the shade,

afraid,

afraid.

 

I tiptoe around the edges, delicate and quiet

nervous that, should shade find even the smallest patch of my skin,

I would have to start over

and wouldn’t know where to begin.

 

One lazy day, I took a nap near the brook

and when I awoke, it felt as though the earth shook.

I was shrouded in shadows, paralyzed with fear

I was certain that imminent failure was near.

 

Yet I trekked on, unafraid of the dark

and I learned how to roam freely,

singing my song

that could rival a lark’s.

For the shade was only temporary,

a teacher and friend,

and I am always embraced by sunshine

in the end.

 

 

Passing Notes

There is a part of me

that wants to sneak you a slip of paper.

Maybe under your door on a humid night,

Where I could slip away

and quickly turn vapor.

 

The paper wouldn’t be ordinary,

short and quaint,

but the moment you read it,

there would be no restraints.

 

At this moment,

I have no desire for anything more.

I know that it is not the right time,

but eventually we will both come upon that door.

And when we do,

I will be bold,

for I can foresee exactly

what this can hold.

 

 

Secret Weapon

So, this is not something I have really discussed outwardly on here, but you can kind of grasp through some of my poetry (since when am I a poet????) and other writing that I am a big believer in the law of attraction and having control over your own destiny. For example, the poem that I wrote called “Guiding Hand” or any time i speak about light, it is usual in reference to spirit or to the law of attraction.

It sounds a little kooky at first, but it really is true that what you put out comes back to you. If you are constantly focusing on what you don’t have and complaining that life sucks and that you are nowhere near your goals, that is only going to continue to happen. It may seem difficult for some to train your brain to believe that everything is going to work out, but nothing great ever really happens over night. It takes time and practice and dedication; you create habits that support your goals instead of being inactive, you become more self aware and are more happy because of it. You find out what is good for you and what makes you happy vs. things that have been bringing you down or creating a sense of comfortable laziness.

Throughout my life I have been very lucky to have known about the law of attraction without really knowing that it is called. Because of that, I have had a lot of opportunity, success, and have brought wonderful people into my life. Strange phenomenons would happen all of the time that would be in congruence with things that I had put out, whether that meant through writing, focused energy, or speaking it out loud. I would truly believe that everything was going to be okay, and usually its better than okay.

I ask for signs a lot, especially when I am going through an uncertain time. When I was in my last relationship, I wasn’t sure what was happening and that was a hard burden to keep to myself. One day in the very thick of it, I was babysitting. The kids that I babysit can sometimes have behavioral issues and this was in the second month of me working there. I knew that I had to take one of them to buy a gift, so we walked into a toy store. While this was happening, I was preoccupied with the thoughts of my relationship almost constantly. It would bring me down more than I have ever experienced before. I would think about it on the train, at work, when I was out with friends, anytime I looked at my phone, with family, in my room. It was endless. I had recently made a statement out loud that asked for a sign of positivity to get back the feeling I was used to, because it felt lost. Boy, did I get a huge sign.

I will shorten this up a bit, but I ended up losing my wallet that day at work in an unfamiliar part of Brooklyn while caring around a hungry 7 year old. I tried to remain calm because we had only walked 2 blocks before realizing I could have left it at the toy store. The 7 year old was remarkably patient, helpful, and had not a single tantrum or attitudinal issue. I was immediately grateful because it was getting late, he hadn’t eaten dinner, and we had been walking back and forth for a very long time seeing if we could spot the wallet in the snow. No luck.

We went to the toy store and random stores along the way, searching to see if we had somehow missed it or maybe someone brought it into someplace nearby. The feeling of panic was very faint. I couldn’t explain it, but I felt like everything would be okay. I knew my insurance card, credit cards, unlimited metrocard, money, Id, and everything else in there was out there somewhere but that I would be seeing it again somehow. Maybe. Hopefully. Finally, I was at the end of my rope. Keep in mind I had 4% phone battery. I told the kid I babysit that we tried our best, but we should try to go home. I looked down at my soon-to-be-dead phone and saw a random number had called. I thought nothing of it.

We started to make our way to the train and I couldn’t help but feel a sense of defeat as I asked if I could use his school metrocard to get on the train and figure out the rest later. I suddenly thought that maybe it would be a good idea to call the person back. Maybe it was a casting call! I called them back and a woman named Christine answered. Earlier that day, I had emailed with a woman named Christine about an audition. I immediately deflated somehow thinking that this could have been related to my wallet. But, to my surprise, Christine actually had found my wallet and had looked me up online to find my phone number. She said she had searched long and hard to match up my information, and that she had seen m wallet in the snow and picked it up to try to get it back to the owner. She said that everything seemed to be in it still and that we could meet her at a restaurant nearby to pick it up. She gave me the address, and my phone died.

No google maps to rely on, I tried to remember every detail about where she said she would be. A woman on the street came up to me and asked if I needed help and pointed me in the right direction. About 45 minutes later, we found the right place and my wallet was safely returned to me with every single thing still intact. I felt tremendous appreciation and love and overall thankfulness. I tried to buy her and her date some drinks, but she just told me to pay it forward.

The sign I had been looking for to show me that something positive was still within me and outside of me had appeared before my eyes. It was the perfect metaphor for what was happening in my life; everything was seeming difficult, lost, and like an overall struggle. But there was a light there. It had never even gone away, I just let it slip past me for a second.

We, as Americans, are very self-absorbed in what makes us feel negativity. The world is faced with horrible, inescapable situations and we sit here upset about a relationship that is making us unhappy or a job that is not fulfilling or a cup of coffee that spilled on our new jacket. Yeah, those things suck ,but they are fixable and don’t need a negative focus. Put a positive spin on it all and you will find that you are strong enough to make a decision about your relationship, that you look for a job that will make you happier, that you wash out that coffee stain and move on with your life. Everything comes back to you and the universe is a friendly place, so practice staying positive, set goals, get out there, do things that you like, help people (even a simple smile on the subway can make someones day), and move on with your life knowing that you have the power to get what you want, big and small, if you focus the right energy on it. Remember, it’s a lot easier to give into negativity. Don’t choose the easy path. 😉

Dusk

I sent out my song through the city streets

And as it twisted and turned,

I was nervous it wouldn’t reach.

I sat well aware,

Knowing what is true,

And I prayed my song

Wouldn’t pass straight through you.

 

I hope you hear it and blink,

That it reels you in

And forces you to think

About what might have been.

What you know, what I know,

That’s incredibly true,

That I would really love

To spend an evening with you.

 

Life Lessons

As I get closer to my 25th birthday (it’s in August and I am just excited, okay?!) , I can’t help but feel that there is something extremely great on the horizon. I feel empowered and happier than ever and am so grateful for the opportunities I have had placed before me and the ones to come.

Recently, I have gone through a lot of changes. 24 was definitely a year of growth in many ways, even though sometimes it felt like pure hell. But the thing is, I have always been fortunate enough to have a guiding voice and hand in this life, even at the darkest hours. The voice has helped me to be self aware and to know what I need to do to get to where I want to be.

I was very down on myself for the past couple of months because I was going through a really rough time in my relationship and it was messing with my emotions more than I had ever experienced before. Because of that, the voice got very quiet. I felt weak and like I had lost my vibrancy, and I felt a lot less confident because everything to do with my relationship was playing on my mind constantly. Even if things were getting better, it wouldn’t take away the things that had happened and the way that I felt. I seriously believed that there was something wrong with me, that I have overreacted and that it would all disappear. I tried to move forward and was always genuinely honest about the way that I was feeling, thinking that that communication would free my mind from the constant emotional turmoil of things that had really left a harsh impact on me. But the truth is that deep down, I knew a part of me was not being true to myself, and there’s the rub.

Needless to say, despite my love for my boyfriend, I had to end things. It’s weird because all through my life I had never understood when people would say that their relationship had failed but they both still loved each other regardless of their differences and no longer being together. I had always thought that they would be able to get through it, because…well because LOVE! If you love someone, then you work hard to make things work when they get fuzzy or difficult. It just made the most sense in my mind until this experience.  Things are not always black and white and that sometimes only becomes evident through your own experiences.

So here are some lessons that I have learned over the past 24 years. Hopefully they speak to you and can help you to know that things will actually always be okay, no matter what occurs.

  1. Recognize that your emotions of negativity are valid, but do not cling to them for long at all. They do not define you. Learn to detach and move forward.
  2. Go through life with a sense of empathy and kindness. Everyone is going through something and it is easy to judge, but make the effort not to. Help and be there along the way.
  3. Surround yourself with people who make you happy and people who motivate you to be better.
  4. Go to new places and experience the world. It helps you to grow and be happier as well as de-clutter your mind.
  5. Let go of other peoples expectations of what you should be doing and think about what you want and how you will achieve it without comparing yourself to others.
  6. Take breaks from social media. It is a way to stop comparing your journey to someone else’s and to stop stalking people. Really. Social media has reached a new low in making sure you can see when someone is active, where they are and who they are with. This is borderline stalking, people.
  7. Be more decisive. Don’t let other people make decisions for you.
  8. Form your own opinions and do things that make you happy, without harming anyone else of course.
  9. Enjoy your youth! We only have one chance at being young. Take advantage and make plans to do the things we love! Don’t jump the gun or become overly anxious at the age of 21 that you are not at your peak of success. It will come. Just plant some seeds for now!
  10. Be more present.
  11. Follow your heart, but always be true to yourself. Relationship’s should NOT be difficult or strenuous on your mental and physical health. No matter what the other person is saying, if it is toxic you DO have the choice to end things, even if it might hurt for a bit.
  12. Start new hobbies!
  13. Don’t move too fast when starting a relationship. It can be exciting, but don’t make promises that you might not be able to keep in a years time.
  14. Your happiness is extremely important. You are too young to be miserable.
  15. You are amazing! Love your body, take care of it, expand your horizons without becoming overwhelmed. These things may take time for some, but make a conscious effort and make small habits that will stick with you throughout life and you will feel so much better. You have power over your life!  Don’t let the bastards get you down 😉

Guiding Hand

Illumination billows out in a fog-like state,

I am unsure if it is dangerous or safe.

It draws me near and caresses me still,

I love it immediately and know I always will.

I stare in awe, I stare with strong intent,

I know it can sense that I will not be bent.

I will not sway or run or abandon,

I know it would not choose me at random.

Forever grateful for my guiding hand,

Forever grateful that I will cover much land.

I am meant for the earth, though I am made of the stars,

I find solace in knowing that all we desire can be ours.