Dusk

I sent out my song through the city streets

And as it twisted and turned,

I was nervous it wouldn’t reach.

I sat well aware,

Knowing what is true,

And I prayed my song

Wouldn’t pass straight through you.

 

I hope you hear it and blink,

That it reels you in

And forces you to think

About what might have been.

What you know, what I know,

That’s incredibly true,

That I would really love

To spend an evening with you.

 

Life Lessons

As I get closer to my 25th birthday (it’s in August and I am just excited, okay?!) , I can’t help but feel that there is something extremely great on the horizon. I feel empowered and happier than ever and am so grateful for the opportunities I have had placed before me and the ones to come.

Recently, I have gone through a lot of changes. 24 was definitely a year of growth in many ways, even though sometimes it felt like pure hell. But the thing is, I have always been fortunate enough to have a guiding voice and hand in this life, even at the darkest hours. The voice has helped me to be self aware and to know what I need to do to get to where I want to be.

I was very down on myself for the past couple of months because I was going through a really rough time in my relationship and it was messing with my emotions more than I had ever experienced before. Because of that, the voice got very quiet. I felt weak and like I had lost my vibrancy, and I felt a lot less confident because everything to do with my relationship was playing on my mind constantly. Even if things were getting better, it wouldn’t take away the things that had happened and the way that I felt. I seriously believed that there was something wrong with me, that I have overreacted and that it would all disappear. I tried to move forward and was always genuinely honest about the way that I was feeling, thinking that that communication would free my mind from the constant emotional turmoil of things that had really left a harsh impact on me. But the truth is that deep down, I knew a part of me was not being true to myself, and there’s the rub.

Needless to say, despite my love for my boyfriend, I had to end things. It’s weird because all through my life I had never understood when people would say that their relationship had failed but they both still loved each other regardless of their differences and no longer being together. I had always thought that they would be able to get through it, because…well because LOVE! If you love someone, then you work hard to make things work when they get fuzzy or difficult. It just made the most sense in my mind until this experience.  Things are not always black and white and that sometimes only becomes evident through your own experiences.

So here are some lessons that I have learned over the past 24 years. Hopefully they speak to you and can help you to know that things will actually always be okay, no matter what occurs.

  1. Recognize that your emotions of negativity are valid, but do not cling to them for long at all. They do not define you. Learn to detach and move forward.
  2. Go through life with a sense of empathy and kindness. Everyone is going through something and it is easy to judge, but make the effort not to. Help and be there along the way.
  3. Surround yourself with people who make you happy and people who motivate you to be better.
  4. Go to new places and experience the world. It helps you to grow and be happier as well as de-clutter your mind.
  5. Let go of other peoples expectations of what you should be doing and think about what you want and how you will achieve it without comparing yourself to others.
  6. Take breaks from social media. It is a way to stop comparing your journey to someone else’s and to stop stalking people. Really. Social media has reached a new low in making sure you can see when someone is active, where they are and who they are with. This is borderline stalking, people.
  7. Be more decisive. Don’t let other people make decisions for you.
  8. Form your own opinions and do things that make you happy, without harming anyone else of course.
  9. Enjoy your youth! We only have one chance at being young. Take advantage and make plans to do the things we love! Don’t jump the gun or become overly anxious at the age of 21 that you are not at your peak of success. It will come. Just plant some seeds for now!
  10. Be more present.
  11. Follow your heart, but always be true to yourself. Relationship’s should NOT be difficult or strenuous on your mental and physical health. No matter what the other person is saying, if it is toxic you DO have the choice to end things, even if it might hurt for a bit.
  12. Start new hobbies!
  13. Don’t move too fast when starting a relationship. It can be exciting, but don’t make promises that you might not be able to keep in a years time.
  14. Your happiness is extremely important. You are too young to be miserable.
  15. You are amazing! Love your body, take care of it, expand your horizons without becoming overwhelmed. These things may take time for some, but make a conscious effort and make small habits that will stick with you throughout life and you will feel so much better. You have power over your life!  Don’t let the bastards get you down 😉

Guiding Hand

Illumination billows out in a fog-like state,

I am unsure if it is dangerous or safe.

It draws me near and caresses me still,

I love it immediately and know I always will.

I stare in awe, I stare with strong intent,

I know it can sense that I will not be bent.

I will not sway or run or abandon,

I know it would not choose me at random.

Forever grateful for my guiding hand,

Forever grateful that I will cover much land.

I am meant for the earth, though I am made of the stars,

I find solace in knowing that all we desire can be ours.

 

Well Wishes

Before I lay my head down to rest,

I sent a whisper through the air.

I hoped it would reach across an ocean

and that it would put you at ease,

even though I am no longer there.

I wrapped it in the beauty we possessed,

I wrapped it in silk love,

I wrapped it in when we were at our best,

Where dewy nights and absent fireworks

Made me hold you high above.

 

I do not send over the sadness, the madness,

Or strife,

That would not feel right.

 

Like allowing  a firefly to linger,

gently making its way

to the tips of your finger.

I send only the gentle, the true, the hope,

I do not send the doubts or the

unraveling of the rope.

 

The truth is, somewhere in here I was lost.

I tried to make you happy,

I tried to ignore the cost.

The fragility of it all was too much too soon,

I knew that, should this go on.

I would continue shielding my tears

From the moon.

 

This stays with me, yes it does.

But it could never take away all that was.

The humid summer nights,

The joy of first touch,

The feel of your hands,

The strength of the lust.

Lust soon turned love,

The feeling never fleeting,

Please forgive me for this,

I never planned on leaving.

 

You stay playing on my mind,

there is no one else.

I believe that things were difficult for us,

and I lost myself.

I send my well wishes,

I ignore the pain,

Just know these feelings aren’t forever,

and that we must trust the rain.

 

Us

The Feelings come with ease,

but I press my lips together tight.

The Feelings conflict and are

cold,

happy,

worried,

and possess my thoughts come night.

The decision is mine, I know you would

never dare.

I imagine my fingers running deep,

through your hair.

It’s painful for us both.

Your eyes gleaming, seeming

hopeful and rare.

I am afraid to be bold and confess that

perhaps this is not whats meant

for us,

but I must,

I must.

 

 

 

Lanterns

I sat face to face with a princely beam of light,

in an other-worldly form.

It was merely by chance with friends one night,

but it left me feeling warm.

Melodies are springing through my veins

at all times and for some reason recently,

this night has played on my mind.

 

For a brief moment, the room fell silent,

and the feelings within became beautifully violent.

Not scary, not angry,

but soft like that light

for I knew that mine was one in the same,

and was saddened to know that

it would fade along with that night.

 

 

 

 

Pressure Relief

There is this weird, unspoken societal structure to life where everyone feels they need to follow, or at least stay close to, a cookie cutter-like path in order to feel “fulfilled” and “happy”. Some people defy these unspoken rules and lead extraordinary lives and I guess this is just a reminder for myself and everyone around me that you don’t need to feel pressured to follow anyone else or their idea of life.

Everyone knows the formula: go get a job, go out to party every weekend, settle down with someone and buy a house, get married, have kids, etc. Some of these things are fundamental to certain people and that’s great! Other people are not so sure and are met with pressure if this doesn’t align with their wants and needs. Parents, significant  others, friends, hell even people we don’t KNOW can bring these topics about as though it is engraved on some ancient tablet specifying the rules of life. It’s definitely enough to make you squirm and cringe if you aren’t too certain if you are choosing a different path. So here are some things that have helped me to focus on my own path while figuring out the things that I want to do to lead a life that is fulfilling to me.

Taking time to write out my goals

I have probably sat down 2.5 million times to write out all of my goals so that I have a very clear idea of what I am working towards. I am also a strong believer of the law of attraction, so speaking things into fruition as well as taking action, writing, creating to serve those ideas really helps me to know that this is my reality and that goals are super reachable. All of this helps to solidify the kind of life I want to lead and where I am at this point in time. Instead of leading to panic, it helps to motivate and comfort.

Taking time for friends, family, and time alone

Having a balance is seemingly impossible, but balance doesn’t necessarily mean that you are having equal parts all around but rather creating a balance that is true to you. Sometimes people need a little bit more alone time than others, sometimes people want to be surrounded by people more often. Whatever your truth is, make sure to make time for yourself to get to know and love YOU, because that is the most important relationship that you have first and foremost and, more times than not, needs the most work. Having a good relationship with yourself is also built through your friendships, family life, and love life, so isolating yourself is not helpful to help to build your true self. Yes, time alone is one hundred percent necessary, but, again, finding a comfortable balance of each is extremely beneficial for your psyche. Also, stop comparing yourself to others and avoid spending a lot of time on social media.

Learning to detach from things that do not serve you positively

As humans, we tend to hold onto all sorts of negative energy that no longer serves us. Sometimes it is easier to detach from these ideas than others, sometimes relationships can leave a permanent mark no matter how much you detach from the negative feeling it left you with. It’s important to know when to allow yourself to move forward from a situation that may not be getting better for you personally. Maybe you have let it all go, but there is still left over tension from past events that, no matter how positive you feel about it now, has just plain changed a relationship. What it comes down to is this: fear, envy, pain, stress, worry…it does not help you to move forward. And if you have let the feeling go but feel stunted in some way with someone or something like a job or something in that realm, then it is time to move forward. If you are able to let go of the feelings that it has caused you but no longer feel growth, face it and make your next move. It’s scary, but it’s honest. Which leads me to my next and last statement…

Being honest

This is it. Life. Why not be honest? Be honest with yourself and about what you want. Be honest in your relationships but also be fair and understanding. Be empathetic and open. Challenge yourself. Be a good listener and be there for your friends, family, lover. Be there for YOU. Do activities that inspire your creativity. Be bold and choose to push fear away. Do not choose a path that is not true to you. Do not sacrifice parts of yourself to make someone else happy because that is how you lose yourself. This does not mean to be selfish, but if does mean to be real with yourself and if something is making you uncomfortable, speak up and have an open conversation about it. Do not be stopped by the idea of what if, but rather be inviting of it. Be kind and form opinions. Be decisive. And, most importantly, lose the idea that life is supposed to go a certain way because that is where you will lose yourself and your honesty.