Chaotic Nature

I recently had this thought where I imagined everyone on earth was required to write a very detailed book on each year of life until death. It would form one large book that would be saved and documented for eternity for people to peruse as they please throughout their own lives. Of course, there has always been the analogy of treating years or certain parts of our lives as “chapters” or “seasons”. But what if we actually had to keep detailed documentation of our lives? What if we all took into account that every action and decision, no matter how small or mundane, would truly effect the quality and outcome of our lives?

People are so afraid of countless things in life that actually inhibit them from living a fulfilling and exciting life. Rejection, failure, anxiety, overthinking, other peoples wants or needs, money and more are all examples of what seems to get in the way of life being lived to the fullest and achieving their goals. I’ve seen it in friends, family, loved ones, and, of course, myself! It’s all around us! Like our brains start to freak out a bit about what will happen if you take that job or if you want to go out that night or if the audition went well. That being said, it’s also important just make a decision. Decisions are usually dragged out, stressful, and can consume your thoughts. Just take the risk or do what you feel is best and go for it. And if chaos comes as a part of that, then savor all of those times of struggle and uncertainty because whether it is the greatest time of your life or the darkest, you are growing. You may want to punch people in the face or cry or scream or jump for joy, but through it all, you are growing.

Everything is temporary. I have learned that as an actor, friend, daughter, girlfriend, sister, and person that the faster you learn that, the easier things are. Plus, if something is pretty shitty then I mean…you KNOW it isn’t forever, even if you feel like it is. you have to treat yourself like your best friend.

Here is a list of some random things, some great and some not-so-great,  off of the top of my head that have helped to me grow tremendously. (There are plenty of other things but these are the first things that really came to mind).

  1. Traveling to different countries (especially my first visit to England) and around the U.S
  2. Auditioning and being cast!
  3. Auditioning for huge casting directors and walking away feeling like I had no idea what just happened.
  4. Allowing my entire apartment to be taken over for 4 full days with a 17 person crew with little to no space, our rooms being completely taken over, having our bathtub overflow for a scene, and shooting for 12 hours each day.
  5. Being surrounded by people on tour, living situations, and situations where I really just wanted space but couldn’t get that.
  6. Visiting my 90 year old grandmother.
  7. My parents getting divorced.
  8. Every romantic relationship I have been apart of.
  9. Taking a year off from college and then deciding to go back to school and moving to NYC without knowing where I was going to live or how I was going to pay rent.
  10. Working random odd jobs.

The truth of the matter is, it is really easy to look at this list and think about how some of the situations might seem amazing while others seem less than ideal. Some were decisions, some were out of my control. Either way it is how you handle chaotic situations and know that you will actually benefit from it in the end that defines how your life is going to go. Far too often on my Facebook feed or in real life, I hear and see people complaining and focusing on the negative. I see people treating each other without respect or with frustration because of their own problems and current situations. Of course, letting off steam is healthy. But treating yourself and the people who care about you most like shit because you aren’t happy with where you are at in your personal life is unfair and that has to be realized.

The point here is, we all know everyone has their own struggles and  you have to try and embrace all moments in life. Sometimes it may seem like things are falling apartbut just remember to swim under the wave. It is not going to last forever and the more you know and accept that, the quicker that really shitty time in your life will seem less and less of an issue and instead, just a part of life that is actually placed before you to help you grow! The concept may seem strange, because the natural reaction and easier thing to do is to react negatively to situations that you don’t like. But taking the time to get annoyed or upset and then let it all go will be far more beneficial than walking around with all of that excess baggage that may end up changing the course of your life.


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