Know Thyself: Relationship Edition

Here are some tips that I have slowly but surely gathered from the relationships that I have been in over the years.

1.If you feel something, say something.

A lot of people are terrified to talk to their partner if something is bothering them in regards to how the relationship is going. Whether it’s where you are at emotionally, any anxieties that might be coming up, if something is hurting or bothering you, you have to say something. People hold out because they are scared of what might happen if they hurt their partners feelings, scared they might get angry, scared they might leave them or not understand. But the truth of the matter is, if you are in a relationship and you feel something is off for you or you are concerned about something, then you will carry that guilt with you for a long time. It will start to build up like a giant, heavy, snail shell on your back and will make you feel cold and burdened. Do both yourself and your partner a favor and communicate. It may lead to some dismay, but most of the time things can be resolved. If they can’t, they can’t! And you go from there. It’s easy to get comfortable, especially as you get older and start to consider things like when you may want to get married or if you want kids. Some things are fundamental to people. For example, some people know that they want to have kids and want to know that their partner is at least considering it. Sitting down and talking about these things can help to solve some issues that may come up down the road. It’s always good to know where the two of you are at and it’s the fair thing to do.

2. Keep the romance alive!

Sometimes it’s easy to forget that the little things add up a lot. The special little things like leaving a note or getting a candy that your partner loves to surprise them may seem small, but actually makes a big difference in how special you can make people feel. Make some plans at least once a week to do something together that is fun or relaxing for you both.

3. Know when enough is enough.

It’s never easy to figure out when it’s time to call it quits, and this all kind of goes hand in hand with #1 on this list, but if you feel that you have had enough, you have to express that. Sometimes simply from just saying that, things can get better. Other times, you know that it’s absolutely what you have to do to protect your heart, pride, sanity, etc. Also, if you let things pile on top of each other for  too long, it begins to feel as though you are betraying them. Don’t lie and pretend like everything is okay if it’s not. Period.

4. Don’t move too fast

It’s easy to get tangled up in the throes of passion and think that this person is everything you could ever want and more. In that early time, it’s easy to make promises that you might not be able to keep even though at the time you truly believe that nothing could ever change that. This sets the bar way too high way too fast. Make sure you take your time with it, get to know the person if you haven’t known them for long, see if you share the same interests, see what flaws are admirable and what drive you crazy. If it’s meant to be, it will be. I know it’s exciting, but the best part is the journey and not the arrival. So take your time.

5. Don’t compare your relationship to others.

Some of your friends might be dating people too, which is super cool! But keep in mind that every relationship has its ups and downs and a lot of the time, thanks to social media, we only see the happy, shiny, perfect side of the relationship. Don’t let that get to your head if things are seeming not as great on your end. Most times, you probably are in a better position than other people are. But even so, that is not your business and your business is not theirs.

6. Keep your eye out for those red flags

There are some clear signs that your partner may have issues that are unreasonable for you and may push your limits. Some of these red flags may be the following:

  1. Frequent mood swings
  2. Overly sensitive and jealous
  3. Unreasonably angry over small issues
  4. Chronic sadness
  5. Verbally or physically abusive
  6. Promiscuous and unable to commit

Now of course, just because someone may be battling something doesn’t mean that you can’t be with them, but you have to know what you can take. You cannot be someones happiness. You cannot change someone. You cannot be someones punching bag. You come first. Always remember that. Even when you love someone more than anything in the world, your safety and mental health come first. It is very easy to allow someone into your life, but it is not easy to get them out. Before you commit to something and have seen signs that you may not be able to go through with, take a step back and evaluate whether it is worth it. Everyone has their quirks, but you need to know what you think will be best for you.

7. Have fun!

The whole reason why you are dating someone should stem from some part of you really enjoying their company. The person you are dating should be like your best friend, not someone who is causing you grief and sadness and stress. Enjoy your time together, plan trips, hang with friends, watch whatever you want. But make sure that you are happy. Make sure that you are not being hurt emotionally or neglected. Know your worth.

 

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