Waking up in the rather frantic environment of New York City each and every day is not for the faint of heart. Each day millions of people crack their eyes open, throw some clothes on, and get ready for their commute to work while also dealing with about 1,245 other things going on in their heads. Did the lady across from you just find out that she is getting a promotion? Did the guy next to you just find out his wife has been cheating on him for 3 years? Did the woman who bumped into you and spilled coffee on your freshly pressed shirt recently deal with a major life change? Did the small child staring out of the train window just let out a silent but deadly fart? The possibilities are endless. And the thing is, whether we want to believe it or not, just about everything we do has an affect on those around us. The times where we least expect things to matter to others is usually when they will matter most, especially to people we don’t know.
For a long time I have been a people pleaser whether I want to admit that or not. As you can see through my last post, anxiety and people pleasing kind of went hand in hand for me for quite a while. Well, I mean basically my whole life who am I kidding. I was always sure not to step on any toes, always try to give compliments, always be the funniest and brightest in the room. I don’t know if people necessarily would think “Wow. Katie is trying too hard.” but of course anxiety would tell me that that’s clearly what people were thinking even if it wasn’t remotely true. I was in constant competition with one person: Myself. The thing is, sometimes being a people pleaser is not bad. It’s just that you have to remember your core values, what matters to you, how your attitude is when approaching pressing situations or even every day situations, and really just know who you are. It’s easy to get lost in other peoples thoughts and worlds and, really, that is not something that you want to do.
It’s hard to remind yourself that sometimes the things that are having an affect on your loved ones and especially with strangers really may not have anything to do with you. Be honest with yourself and see if that is the case or not and remedy the situation or know when to walk away. Only you know your limits. Be there for your friends, family, significant others, and even the strangers, but do not allow yourself to take on certain energies that do not have anything to do with you. It’s hard and it’s a cycle because, again, everything you do is affecting at least one other person.
I guess this was all kind of a random thought rant due to circumstances that I currently am dealing with. Don’t get me wrong, I am in a very good position and really figuring out certain things about my career, life, maintaining at least a shred of “balance”, but of course we all have our private matters to tend to. Lately, I have learned not to be a situational narcissist which basically means “No, Katie. The fact that they didn’t give you extra guac on your burrito does not mean that you ruined their day and that they hate you.” This is a silly example, but you get the idea. Not everything is about you. And sometimes, it’s hard to believe that when there is so much going on. But even when you have a lot going on or a friend is dealing with a lot or a parent is struggling or filling you with a feeling of pressure, just remember that sometimes it might be on you, sometimes its on them. Becoming aware of yourself is key. Have you not been pulling your weight? Did you not send that important message after your mom asked you to about 5 times? Did you not study enough? Life is kind of like that. Sometimes, you prepare for the big test and get the best grade in the class. Sometimes you think you were prepared, but you get your paper back with a big red “-4%. What happened? See me.”. Other times you literally don’t study a lick and get an A, and sometimes the teacher has it out for you and gives you a grade worse than you deserved because they just don’t like you.
This has probably all sounded kind of jumbled. Welcome to my brain. Or maybe it has made perfect sense. An even bigger welcome to my brain! Grab a drink and make yourself comfortable! The idea behind this whole…essay? Piece? Blob of my brain?…is really just a gentle reminder today to be understanding, stand your ground, know when enough is enough, and understand that sometimes you might not understand. And that’s just fine.